How to Get a Guy to Fall for You
by Red Clay
Summary: Somewhere outside of the onerous, rough-cut monolith known as CANON, siblings in arms meet with a princess and learn why guys are so easy. Heavy reference to "Ardent Flame" another AtLA fic of more comprehensive depth and length that I wrote .


I believe it was Mel Brooks that said, "Sex is funny." Smart man.

Completely outside of canon (AF and AtLA). Why? For funzies. Have to work out all the icky feelings brought on by that last, rather unpleasant, writing experience. Why else? Because if all these guys (Qilaq, Lim, Nuan, Azula) didn't have so much baggage, they would be quite the silly troupe.

**How to Get a Guy to Fall for You**

"Like this?" Azula queried as she placed her slender claw on her tilted hip. The movement was such that not even the baggy, threadbare robes she inherited from Qilaq could conceal the voluptuousness of her curves.

"Not quite," giggled Nuan with thoughtful fingers tapping her petite chin. "See, you got to stick your chest up more and tilt your chin down. The lean and the butt are good, though. Now, you need to smile."

"Smile how? I've got an arsenal of smiles."

"Smile like…" Nuan turned her consideration skyward and scratched her short mane of grease-shined hairs. "…like you know everything that's going on in the guy's head and you're already a step ahead of him."

"Simple. I'm always a mile ahead of everyone," and her civet eyes narrowed over a devious smile.

"Ooo, that's the way," the lissome young woman whinnied.

"Ha," Qilaq, skin like freshly tanned leather, said, in lieu of an actual laugh, as he slipped out of the tightly woven forest with his companion, Lim, behind. The darker man's companion fumbled as he tried to free himself from an aggressive bramble patch. When the younger man had freed himself and Qilaq finished picking twigs out of his woolly hairdo, they stood opposite their lady friends for a motionless full minute.

It was a pointless silence that really raked Azula's coals. "What are you two indolent mollusks gawking at?"

"Nothin', princess," conceded Lim, pale, taken aback by the woman's unabashed authority and the unfamiliar word that sounded like the squish of sopping wet slippers and the other one that he figured stamped him as dull. Maybe not something to contest outright.

"You," Qilaq smirked.

"We're busy. Why don't you make like oysters and go clam up under a rock somewhere?"

"Wow. Moby dick," Nuan mumbled under everyone else's ears.

"Well, that was an efficiently tortured analogy," caviled the burnished Waterbender.

"Cold as ice," Lim stated trying to meet Azula's razor gaze with his smoother stare.

"No. She's just so hot that your head gets overwhelmed and _thinks_ she's frigid."

…

Lim considered his sable friend of several years for a second, then he had it all figured out. "It's the ass, ain't it?"

"Ain't it always?"

"We can hear you over here!" Azula barked.

"Yeah, you can. You can also hear us over _here_, if you like," Qilaq passively prodding the embers of the Firebender's simply stoked temper.

"Oh, so I should come over there?" If a gauntlet had been thrown down, she would happily pick it up and bludgeon her hapless challenger with it.

"Uh oh, DQ, I think she's comin' onto you."

"Not yet."

Azula managed to suppress her skin from blushing of its own volition - either from anger or embarrassment or both, as is often the case. "I don't think you could handle me coming onto you," she sizzled with her hip cocked and her bust out.

Nuan "_squee"_ed like an overjoyed pigletekeet. "Oh, this is great."

"Weren't we suppose' to be doin' something?" Lim asked his overly enthused female friend.

"Shush! This is what we're supposed to be doing now."

Lim sidled away from his buddy's side and over to Nuan who watched with giddy anticipation as Azula stalked toward her unflinching adversary step by deliberate step. "My money's on Double Q."

"It's a bet."

"You're just giving your money to him, are you Nuan?" Qilaq chaffed.

"I don't know. I think she can take you, Iceman."

"She couldn't take a guy to dinner with two hands and a length of rope. What makes you think she can take _me_?" His eyes darted back to see the shapely Firebender had closed the distance and was nearly pushing her breast into his. Had her robe opened up more in the past two seconds?

The marble beauty burned a wanton gaze up into Qilaq's deep ocean eyes. He could feel his militant mien begin to melt as her prurient lips parted. "You know, losing doesn't have to be an entirely unpleasant experience." He couldn't help but be drawn to her salacious mouth, wafting humid words into his own. As their lips nearly closed on one another, the woman expertly checked him over the leg she had slipped behind her distracted victim and toppled the unbalanced soldier onto the flat of his back with a resounding _thud._ The prone man heard Nuan cachinnate in the background as Azula bent over him, hands on her curvaceous hips. "And even without the rope."

"I should kick your kneecaps backward for that," snarled the razed man.

"Sorry," Azula said as she walked off with her sharp nose turned up like a proper princess. "I can't hear you all the way down there, on your ass."

"Oh, she laid you _out_, iceman. Oh, pay me," Nuan smiled at Lim as wide as her humor flushed cheeks could stretch.

"What are you talkin' about? They didn't even fight."

The quickly conquered Qilaq didn't bother getting up. He just pillowed his head on his hands and got comfortable in the dirt. "Just pay the woman, Lim."


End file.
